the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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