were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
