Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
