Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
