I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
