worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
