he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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