im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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