two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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