Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
