If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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