He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
