Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
