I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
