When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
