I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
