We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
