I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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