She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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