I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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