i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
