New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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