I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
