dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
