But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
