I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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