clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
