why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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