I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Found your dick twin last night
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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