will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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