It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everclear isn't food dammit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
