thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize