Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize