i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
