I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
