I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?