My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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