I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
