We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
