Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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