i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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