is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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