I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
