Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize