Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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