I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
