We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
