So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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