Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The power of my boobs compel you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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