I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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