Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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