I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
