I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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