Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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