dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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