can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
