I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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