Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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