dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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