the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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