she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
